Osanazuma 幼妻
by Arounagein
Summary: She was daughter to a great lord, promised to marriage with a neighboring lord's son. He was an indebted servant to her father, serving as a personal samurai to the estate. Their lives were never meant to cross, their duties never meant collide. Now they must both face the consequences of their chance meeting, and find resolve. Feudal Era Japan GakuRin. Please read A/N for warnings
1. Chapter 1

I do not own vocaloid, thus I do not own Gakupo or Rin- only the ideas used in this fanfiction.

Note: Some things in this are historically based, though don't try to connect too many dots here, I wanted to leave it somewhat nondescript to preserve the _fiction_ feel to it, but you may recognize a few names and time relevant issues. Though the names used to not reflect the real people of that time, merely there to provide concept.

Also, in this story, Rin is 13 and Gakupo is 18-19. If that age gap is not for you, please do not continue reading, or if you choose to, please refrain from flaming me. I have warned you. This type of relationship holds relevancy in historical context, and their ages would have been no issue in that time. Please keep that in mind. The title refers to the name for young brides/young concubines taken by older partners, "Osanazuma" lit. "Intimate Playmate". Times were different then, and this was seen as normal.

At the bottom of each chapter will be a glossary of the Japanese used, please see to it if there is anything you don't quite understand. Thank you for choosing my story, please enjoy!

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"Hai, wakarimashita*."

Purple curtains of silken violet dipped low as a bow bent the frame of the stoic samurai, hands pressed politely in forefront of him, his dual swords lie at his side. The pooling sleeves of his haori* piling at his downturned wrists.

From under the shelter of the samurai's veiling forelocks, downcast eyes slowly dragged up to look upon the lord in front of him, seated upon a cushion bent at the knees and allowing his ankles to rest in the hollow of his lap. The man's shoulders broad with the added points of his own attire, and his wrists resting on his folded knees in a stately manner.

This man, whom he now bowed to, had finally called upon him to repay the debt left to the young man by his father. His father, who had allowed the death of the boy's mother by bandits before succumbing to his own death and leaving his son to the mercy of the lord whom now looked over him expectantly. This lord had allowed his life, and in exchange he would be raised as a protector for the lords purposes- a samurai owned to the families estate and prestige.

The young man had owed his very life to this cross man, his services at the lord's disposal from the delicate time of his youth onward.

Yet, in all that time, little had been requested of him. Little had been brought for him to serve. It was not until now, that the boy in waiting- now a man- had been called to his lord's quarters. The sliding of the shoji* door and short way of padding to kneel before the nobleman marking the first assignment the young man would receive.

His honor was to be put to test, his strengths required at last.

Even still, he had wondered why it had taken so long for such a call to be made. Why would his lord delay such in procuring his indebted servant's skill, when the country suffered from such terrible times of war and violence? Did not he need him for his forces?

Questions though they were, valid though they may be, he dare not ask. The young man knew his debt well, knew that speaking out in defiance was not his place. He would hold his tongue and comply as the time deemed necessary.

Slowly the armed man rose his forehead from from his bow, leaning back into his kneeling position with sword calloused hands folded in his lap respectfully.

He, at last, was to take request from his lord and- for all intents and purposes- his father.

"Hai. My Lord, I understand." He would mutter politely while listening to the statues left him by the leading man.

"This marriage is not to be delayed. It will, with great necessity, bind our alliance with the Wada-ke and assure our combined protection from shinobi with the internal influence the Wada family holds in the Koga," the lord's gruff voice spoke assertively, his eyes dark and insistent. He had made his decision.

His daughter was to be married off to the Wada clan head's young heir. Procuring peaceful ties to the neighboring family and assuring their future.

Thinking upon it, the young samurai had forgotten of the subject of his lord's daughter for most regards. He had never had need to be in her presence, and was kept busy with his own training and obligations- not often did those obligations cross the paths of the business of the estates women and their happenings. He knew well the lord's lady, and their son- heir to the lordship, but little had he known personally of the princess.

She was twin sister to the estates' heir, yet he knew not what she truly looked like even.

It would matter little now though, he mused internally. She would be gone to wed in the coming months, and her departure to the neighboring lands was to leave in a few short days. Even he, in his limited know of the palace happenings, knew of the frantic preparations the common staffing of the castle, as they bustled to get things in place for the eventual departure of the caravan.

Time seemed to be passing in leaps and bounds, he thought. Already the young heir was well on his way to manhood, and so only as would make sense, the young princess had reached marrying age as well.

"Hai, Hakushaku-sama*," the young man nodded, "I understand to urgency of the matrimony, I do. I shall see to it that the young princess is transported in safety. No harm shall come to her."

He bowed once more, before bringing his eyes to meet the stern stare of his father figure. A grunt of approval rumbled in the chest of the master, and a nod shook his head stiffly,

"Good. I expect much from you, Gakupo-kun."

The honorific was familial on purpose, the young man guessed. There to remind him of the ties he held to his lord, placing the full weight of a father's expectations on his shoulders. The lord's daughter would be under his protection.

After another brief nod, the young man rose to his feet smoothly, replacing the two swords he carried to the obi around his waist.

His hand reached for the shoji, but before he could grip its frame, the panel slid open on its own and led him to blink for a instant in confusion. Looking down, he found the source of the movement bowed low to the ground in an action of apology where she knelt on her bent knees before the door.

Powder blue eyes widened as he gazed at the small figure on the ground, palms to the floorboards and head still lowered to where he could not see her features. Even still, his limited sight of her provided enough realization for him to connect the mental dots in his head.

Her past shoulder length locks gleamed a pale gold, in likeness to the lady of the manor and that of her son- the heir to the lordship. Her form small and childish, not quite giving off the air of maturity, though she clearly had manners suited of a proper woman. She still sat at the cusp of childhood and womanhood, perhaps thirteen winters old or so.

Even still, from where he stood, he could see that she was a beautiful creature. Well cared for, petite and manicured. She must have been...

"Father, forgive me," she spoke, her voice soft and light like summer breeze, "I did not intend to interrupt..."

_So she was...!_

This was the lord's young daughter, who was to be married in short time, he realized with something akin to disappointment ringing on the edge of his mind. Only now had he met the young beauty, and she was soon to depart... He quelled his thoughts with internal reprimandation. This was his lord's young daughter, a girl- no, woman now- of high standing who was to be married to a man of equal standing.

He was in no place to covet what was never his.

The lord cleared his throat,

"My dearest daughter, why is it you have sought me out? Have you not preparations to tend to with your mother? What ails you now?"

His questions were met with another low bow,

"Forgive me father, you are right. I should not have interrupted..." her soft voice begged pardon, and slowly she rose from her bow to look to her father, her eyes slowly turning to meet those of the samurai who stood just in front of her now.

She was beautiful, the young man swallowed somewhat nervously, once again having to turn away his thoughts. Her eyes were the purest blue, like the sky of a summer afternoon, and she looked upon him in confusion. It was only then he realized he had gone without speaking a greeting to the manor's heiress,

"Oujo-sama*, forgive my rudeness," he bowed his head to her politely. "Good afternoon to you, I am honored to be in your presence, my lady."

The girl watched him in curiosity, her blue eyes trained on his own.

"This is Kamui Gakupo, dearest daughter. He will serve as your leading escort on your coming journey. You shall be in his care," explained the elder man, looking over from his daughter to the esteemed samurai before her with a gesture of his hand.

Her eyes blinked several times, gazing over the proud figure before her, eyes settling on his swords before blinking back up to his eyes only to lower with her bow,

"A good afternoon to you, as well, Kamui-sama. I trust well in your abilities to procure my safety..." again her voice trailed off into softness, and the young man could only add that to the list of her perfections.

She was well mannered, polite and quiet- a young girl who would prove to be a wonderful bride and mother in the years to come. Though he wondered why she bowed to him, in her status above his own as heiress to her father where he was servant. She spoke politely, and regarded him with respect in a manner that caused pause for thought.

Apparently, her mannerism were not unseen by her father either, who turned to speak of her,

"She has been undergoing training in the art of respect to her future Lord husband, and it seems she has adapted those qualities well. Though forgive her for any misuse," his gaze turned solely to her and her eyes lowed at the stare he gave,

"I am quite certain she will not make mistakes in the days to come, however. For she knows the importance of this marriage..."

Gakupo's eyes turned back to the young girl in time to watch her visibly flinch, and for some strange reason his heart too gave a spasm at the sight. Powder blue eyes lowered to watch her before he returned his sights to his lord,

"All is forgiven, Hakushaku-sama. I am quite sure her respective husband will be quite pleased to receive a bride with such grace and honor as Lady Rin," the samurai gave a small bow, the smile on his lips faint and polite to his lord.

His statement was met with a grunt and a nod from the elder man, apparently pleased with the boy's belief in his daughter's abilities.

Another dip of his head, and the young man made to exit the chamber once more, stepping to the shoji door to slip passed the young girl and provide the father and daughter privacy should they so need it. His steps brought him just through the door before he heard the girl make to speak to her father once more,

"Chichi-ue*, please forgive my interruptions. I shall return to mother now..." the soft voice nearly whispered, and again the samurai could not help in his eyes returning to her bent form on the floor.

The man nodded his consent, and the girl bowed in return, turning her body and gently reaching with fingers delicate to slide the door shut silently. Her body seemed to quiver, but she did not falter in standing smoothly from her lowered position, righting her layered kimono as it fell to place, and smoothing the wrinkles that had formed at where her lap lie.

The young man watched her stand, her small, childish yet ladylike hands smooth over her upper legs, the soft silk sliding against her skin while she did. Her soft countenance glowed like pale porcelain in the light of the afternoon, her hair like the sun above. Once again, the man forced his sights away from her beauty, resigning himself to his own standing.

She seemed to be in her own world as she stood there for what seemed like a lifetime, silently evening her breathing, and holding her form from shaking. Until, at last her eyes rose from the floor to notice that her protector- her _samurai_ was standing just before her in his noble grace. Her breath caught in her throat for the moment, and her eyes locked on to his own.

Her depths were so very deep, he breathed calmly, watching her once more. So very deep; and so very..._sad_. The heart of the samurai once more clenched painfully as he watched the water glimmer in her eyes, threatening to spill over and trail down soft rose dusted cheeks. The young man had to wonder what had caused the young girl such grief, though in truth he could assume it was her father's indifference to her trials.

This marriage to be was no doubt very difficult on her. Her childhood had reached its end and now she would have to move into the territory of becoming wife to a man, accepting him as provider and bearing his children.

A shiver, not unlike a pang of jealousy and guilt, ran through the samurai despite his best efforts. The thought that she would be handed to another man burning in his mind though he knew not why, and wished it begone from his concern. She was bride to another man, a man of high social status such as she...

Gakupo had no such place in her life.

Despite the standing of samurai status atop the four tiers of social class, he barely met such levels of nobility. He was not of normal standing amongst the name title he held, instead, he served as indebted to his lord. The class of those in the villages his lord oversaw, those whose classes ranked beneath samurai class would- of course- refer to him by proper respects. They would bow their heads as he passed, treating him every bit as highly as his lord had trained and adorned him to appear. Nevertheless, his memory of living as a poor child of a farmer remained in his mind well into his years. Even now, after his coming of age at the age of eighteen winters, he had yet to erase the social standing and livelihood he once lived from his mind.

Were it not for his lord, he would perhaps be bowing in the presence of other samurai of whose ranks he had never joined. They were elite, and though he had procured the same title as they, he felt less than a castle servant before the eyes of his lord- and currently- his lord's daughter.

Her eyes continued to water before him, watching him from under a fan of long lashes that dusted her pale cheeks as she blinked away the moisture. It seemed like she too was frozen at the sight of him, just as he found little strength to move nor talk before her, and the time seemed to drag as they looked at each other- her looking up a ways to do so.

She was so small, he noted. The girl barely reached his pectoral at full height, her head just below fully coming to his chest. Her form was heavily layered in ornate kimonos, her obi beautiful gold and pale blue in water like patterns where it was wrapped around her small frame. Her hair hung loosely, aside from the right side, which was pulled back gently and secured at the back by an ornamented comb of gold with blue jeweled flowers at its wide base.

The Lady Rin seemed a deity on earth, her features so unusual in color and shade. Pale hair and bright blue eyes, it made him think perhaps he should reverence her, worship at the altar of her beauty. Where his strange hair color of violet and soft blue eyes had him accused of perhaps having youkai in his blood, her unique features surely brought the assumption that she were a heavenly creature on earth.

His eyes could, for the moment, see no other than she.

It was perhaps frightening how he took to her so quickly, and he did not wish to dishonor his lord by interfering the marriage with his own desires. Still, her beauty was like none he had seen before...

Finally, she was the first to breath the silence, shatter the ice that had frozen them in time,

"I am sorry for staring, Kamui-sama. Please find forgiveness in my actions..." her soft voice like a bird's song called to him, "I do not wish to be rude. Please excuse me, I...I must go."

Her words came out slowly at first, then as she neared crying, her voice cracked under the burden of grief, and she quickly finished what she needed to say. This time she did not take time to bow to him fully, instead she tucked passed him gently as a summer breeze but with the haste of a rushing river, the sleeve her kimono brought up to cover her face as she no doubt now wept.

_How she wished not to be weak in his presence..._

The samurai blinked repeatedly as she passed him by, the sight of her tearing eyes bringing a soft gasp of shock to release from his chest. So he had been right, she was on the verge of crying after all...

And who could blame her? Perhaps she suffered more than she let on even now, the burden she carried for her family name was immense.

His blue eyes watched her go, her form disappearing around the corner toward the gardens. She had told her father that she would be returning to her mother, but somehow, Gakupo could guess that was not where she had headed now.

The beautiful bared such cruel fate, she did.

He could not help the urge that implored him to follow behind her steps after a short while. His own curiosity leading him down the outer hallway in her wake.

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Japanese to English:

*Wakarimashita = I understand/Alright

*Haori = A wide sleeved over-coat that was worn over a kimono to add formality to the outfit.

*Shoji = A paper sliding door used to divide rooms

*Hakushaku-sama = Lord/My Lord (as in lord of the manor)

*Oujo-sama = Princess (born into nobility)

*Chichi-ue = Father (manner of addressing one's father formally)

And for the hell of it I will add that "hai" means, "yes", as well as a kimono is the traditional dress of Japanese women- and as well as men in some circumstances, an obi is a sash that both men and women wore (for men it was a thinner strip of material used to hold the yukata/kimono closed and in the case of samurai could be used to hold their swords, whereas for women it was a wide length of material that was often very ornate).


	2. Chapter 2: Caught

I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, and enjoy reading this just as much. Please, let me know if there are any questions. Thank you!

I do not own Vocaloid

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**Chapter 2: Caught**

Thinking of what he may do or say had come after following the girl to the gardens, the samurai sighed in contempt of his own actions.

What had exactly been his intentions in trailing her, he was unsure. And now, he stood at the opening of the courtyard, tucked behind the corner and just out of eye range for the small bride.

Being seen here, in place of tending to preparations for the departure in only few days, would certainly raise the questions and suspicions of the castle's common servants- especially if he were to be seen by the girl's maid, her mother or perhaps worse; her _father..._

The haori he wore rustled softly against the wall he leaned upon, his weaponry jutting into his side as he pressed to the wall as discreetly as he was capable. It was impossible to ignore the twinge of guilt he felt at having followed at his own desires, yet the feeling was nearly entirely washed over by the intrigue for the young heiress that held him here.

The many layers of her kimono lie fanned around her in splendid array. The silken material glimmering softly in the light of the dipping sun just as it did off the fine locks of her fair hair, which now spilt over her shoulder as she leant forward, having knelt in forefront of the small pond at the garden's center. Her knees lay bent beneath her in a ladylike fashion, hands folded in her lap along with a small gathering of pale blue flowers she had collected from the patch to her side.

She seemed lost in her isolation, somber to the world as no expression met her features of porcelain. The only telltale of her emotion lie in the endless depths of her cerulean pools, which now glimmered more so of tears of sadness- some having already leapt to stream down her cheeks in wet trails.

If one were to place name to the state of this priceless doll, one could only call such a visage as broken. A pang of remorse struck the strong heart of the samurai, though he knowingly could not relate to her struggle. She fought a battle unlike men fought.

She did not find struggle on the battlefield, as he would be accustomed to, and instead she fought to silently burden herself with her family's honor on her shoulders. Her weapon not a katana, but instead her very heart and soul; her body to be given over for their name.

Another chill of guilt racked down his spine, as his eyes fell over her small folded form, pooled in her layers of silk. What a burden to be undertaken, he mused. For something that seemed so breakable as fine pottery, she was expected to be tough as iron.

How could they expect her not to shatter under the weight?

He understood the workings of diplomatic marriages well enough, the obligations faced by families of nobility, and even still he could not condone the pain of one so fragile as a young flower. She was delicate, easily torn, and untouched by tainted concepts. An innocent girl, young and in need of protection...

Then again, was that not what he was there to do?

Ensure her protection through the delivery to her future husband and home...

A growl silently shook in his toned chest, the vibrations low and irate at one such fate as hers. He was asked by his lord to procure her safety in this journey, a duty he had longed to receive from his lord- any order truly. But to what fate was he handing her over to? It would be he who led the caravan through their trip... He who saw that she be given over as was planned.

He who watched her be played as a bargaining chip in these times of warfare into the hands of a man he knew not the manners of.

_How would she be treated? Would the man see to her protection as Gakupo himself would?_

The thoughts were quickly hushed, banished for he knew his place. He had been given a task, and as indebted servant to his lord, he was to see it through. But...at the cost of this girl's _life_?

Another low growl found his lips, but he bit back the hiss of guilt that stung him. The departure was in mere days, he could do nothing to stop it. If he so tried, he would face completely dishonoring his lord and savior, not to mention potentially shredding ties that could end the wars for at least these two households. This matrimony would secure many lives, he was certain.

That was the only fact he could focus on to maintain straight on his path.

A sound awakened him from his internal warring, and his blue eyes slipped back to the small figure in the garden, whose form now shook gently, the sleeve of her kimono once again shielding her face.

_She was crying again..._

And, in truth, he still did not blame her. It was not weakness he saw in those eyes... It was silent _ mourning_.

She wept for her own life, for the loss of her family and most likely most of all, she wept for the death of her childhood. He flinched slightly, as another hiccup of a muffled cry shook her form to rock ever so slight.

His back lifted from where it had been pressed to the wall's surface, straightening where he stood. The samurai could take no more.

The sight of the girl's tears once more compelled him to her, her soft sobs calling him to her side.

The young man made his way back down the hall, finding his way to the genkan* he had entered through to retrieve his sandals, slipping the toed socks into the straps and making his way from the threshold to round the garden from outside means.

The outer walls of the estate were broad, protective, and sound, but also gave him means to sigh at the distance it put to the inner garden where the princess (hopefully) still sat in waiting.

_He must hurry to her side if he is to see her..._

His waraji* scuffed on the compact earth of the outer yard as he rounded the distance to his destination with a haste he attempted to hide modestly. Appearing frantic to the palace guards would only raise questions and initiate a possible scare.

Soon the gateway he sought lay just before him, and his pace slowed considerably, the guilt of having once again given into impulses plaguing his mind momentarily, only just so before it was washed away by the heavier guilt of the girl's displeasure. Finally, his deliberate steps brought him to the mouth of the threshold, and he gave moment for pause as he thought about his actions and which to take next.

_Approaching her must be done in the utmost care... Scaring her or angering her were the last of his intentions..._

The girl now sat, tears still streaming silently, while she pulled the beautiful blossom from each flower and allowed it to drop the waters surface, only to finger the stem that had now been robbed of its budding bloom. His breath caught in his throat as he thought of the symbolism that action seemed to hold.

He wondered mournfully, if that action was spawned from thoughts of her future. Was she frightened...?

Her sky-colored depths watched each petal become sodden with water before her eyes returned to the next flower, delicate fingers pulling over the bloom in her grasps, and more tears would well to her vision.

Gakupo's heart thundered in his chest, the samurai for the first time, fearing his next steps more than ever before. He was stepping into territory he had never belonged in. This was her private issue as a woman to face, a concept of her emotions he would likely never understand, but the pang in his heart compelled him forward nonetheless.

He would seek understanding in her thoughts, seek to console even if it were not his place in the least to do so.

His voice alerted her to his presence, soft and yielding to her fragile temperament,

"Oujo-sama, you weep over the coming days, you do...?"

His statement was forthcoming of his thoughts, and he was unable to stop himself before speaking his concerns. Only when he took in her first shocked and then somewhat offended disposition did he assess the informality in his forwardness, and bowed his head apologetically,

"My apologies, my Lady... That was not within my place to ask of you. Please, pardon my bluntness, I merely over saw your tears and I..." the words disappeared from his velvet voice as she stared at him, her eyes stricken with something he could not name... Perhaps, _shame?_

_What was he doing...! _Her heart thundered.

Her mind could not bring itself to process what it was that this samurai, this _man_ had just uttered. As if he _cared _for her situation. The embarrassment of once again appearing weak before another man's eyes shot through her in a wave of shame, and she nearly curled within herself to save the pride she no longer felt she had. The times of shameless childhood was at an end, now she was to behave as a proper woman before the opposite sex- including this young man whom her father so adored.

Her voice shook as she responded, her blue eyes failing to hold the assertiveness she sought to use,

"I will not weep over what cannot be changed..." her eyes lowered self consciously, "I...I am not saddened, nor frightened...I..." her voice could hold out no longer before it broke with her soft sob.

His eyes softened as he looked her over, watching her immense bravery in shock and reverence. She was free spirited, and this cage placed over her had done nothing more than break her fragile wings. Once again he found himself cursing the fate of this woman- this _child_.

Still, she did not give up, she held onto her honor with the last fibers of her being. It was breathtaking.

"It is alright to weep for things which must be lost..." he found himself speaking without realizing it again, and his eyes flicked up to hers to watch for reaction to his offence this time.

To his surprise, he was not met with her fierce gaze in that moment. Instead, a great sadness, a fleeting glimmer of relief and the hope of acceptance danced in those depths. His voice caught in his throat with a soft gasp, and his own light blue eyes remained on the glittering pools that had captured his soul in that pleading look. She in that moment could look no more fragile, as it was not possible to be any more inexplicably _breakable_.

As if breath alone could shatter her whole.

Her voice tremored,

"Then, it is alright? To cry for my fate?..." once again her eyes sought acceptance, guidance, and he could only respond by way of silent nod to such painful depths. The Lady Rin's eyes downcast for a moment, her long lashes batting at the moisture of her tears,

"So then, Kamui-sama... you have cried over loss before?" she finished.

His jaw tightened momentarily, memories of his many boyhood tears spent at his parents deaths, and the hardships he faced in his debt to his lord. The young man's tone seemed tense, but the velvet tones held nothing more than a pure honesty he would have not shared if in the presence of another male,

"Hai, my Lady... I have shed tears for loss...many times, I have."

Her eyes studied his own, searching for truth or fallacy in his depths, but could find no fault in his response. So then, he knew at least the magnitude of loss...

With the smallest of upcurve, a soft smile painted her rose petal lips, her blue eyes glimmering with her tears despite the display of pleasantry. The briefest of hand gestures led her movement of invitation, and her soft voice beckoned him,

"Please, Kamui-sama, sit with me here... I could truthfully use the company..." her heart skipped as she realized the gravity of her request- in her open invitation to this man to provide her company. The implications of taking this unknown samurai as a conversational companion... Soon a heat welled to her cheeks as she watched him take seat beside her reverently from under her veil of thick lashes.

Obediently, he brought himself down on the soft earth at her side, lowering to tuck his ankles over one another in the hollow of his lap. Allowing his knees to bend respectfully, while he removed his swords to brace them to his chest at an angle over a broad shoulder. Slowly, he let his eyes turn to her, and hid his equal excitement to be so near her when he saw her delicate blush.

Silence proved to spread between them, stretching with the falling of the sun from the late afternoon sky. It would soon be time for her evening meal, but she regarded that with little importance. Her last times here should be spent in the manners she wished to spend them. At least, that was what she believed. This place that was her childhood would soon fall from her sights, and she wanted to spend every last minute in a matter of reverence to this special place.

Her vision fogged over with the memory of not long ago, though it felt a distant past now, when her twin brother and she were allowed to play in these gardens. The days they would spend frolicking through the grasses and gazing into the waters of the solemn pond to watch the koi...

They were happiest of times for her. Times when she was still free to be anything but a wife, times when she was free of burdens other than minding her manners- and even then, her youth had allowed for much more room for error. Back then, she did not have to worry about the pleasing of her future husband, did not have to memorize the ways in which she was to serve at his side. She did not have to shoulder the responsibility of her clan's name. She was not subject to bearing the offspring of a man she had never met.

She was a child then, and in only a few years here she sat... A woman, and a bride. A wife to her future lord husband and one-day-mother of his children. A sad sigh left her lips, and the bleary fog remembrance regretfully left her vision.

The heiress turned her gaze to the man at her side,

"I do not wish to grow up... Is that not the silliest notion?" a humorless laugh escaped her soft lips, a chuckle but a breath on her tongue.

Powder blue eyes looked to meet hers, watching her depths for a moment before turning his gaze to the pond once more,

"Silly, it is not... I believe we all long to remain children at some point in our lives. Free of responsibility." His tone was solemn, his voice soft as he spoke.

Sky-like eyes turned wide. He surely must have read her thoughts, she thought. Her own voice bled with mournfulness as she voiced her curiosities,

"Even you, a great samurai, wish not to be so?"

It was now the young man's turn to laugh void of mirth, his eyes watching the sky,

"Great, you say?"

There was a scorn in his voice she did not understand, though she wanted to very much,

"Do you not treasure your title, Kamui-sama... ? Many of lower classes would pay their lives to hold such honor." There was confusion in her voice, and he turned in full to face her finally.

"It is not that I do not value my ranking... I value it very much, I do. It is just... at times, I wish I was nothing more than a simple man, with nothing more to uphold than the livelihood of my family and perhaps farmlands..." he breathed, quelling his inner musings and remembering _whom_ it was that he spoke to.

"...Please, do not perceive my musings as ungratefulness, I urge you. I have nothing but respect and thanks for your father who has so kindly allowed my life. The Hakushaku is quite like my own father, and I respect his choices for me as such and more."

Her eyes seemed to be glossed with some kind of wistfulness, and her voice spoke in ignorance of his near offence,

"I sometimes wish to be a bird... I could then fly away from all my troubles if I needed to..."

Her voice was soft, gentle like warm water, and his heart once again clung to its ringing. She sought to escape her fate, did she? He honestly could not blame her. Gakupo was uncertain he could shoulder such a burden as she now faced. The world of women, was something he dared not speak of understanding. As theirs were hardships he would never know...

Though, at least in speaking with her, he would gain even the smallest window of understanding into her heart. He could only imagine the tears and scars left underneath her brave face.

A sigh escaped his lips as he looked her over, a sadness building in his chest once more. He breathed,

"If you were to become a bird, Oujo-sama, you may flee from your troubles only to never see your family again..." he spoke softly, gently as he could. Gakupo did not want to rob her of her dream, but were she to accomplish it, he feared she would only bring more of her own unhappiness.

"Will I not already cease to see my family...?" her depths turned distant, and her soft voice nearly cold, "Were they not the very ones to see to my handing over...? My _marriage?_"

He could not meet her questions with his own voice for answers, the chill that ran through her disposition both frightening for one so soft as she, and heartbreaking that she should feel such _betrayal_ for their choices...

The samurai could not and would not blame her for such reaction though, despite the potential dishonor her words could bring. Who could expect a different action from a small child such as she?

He knew she had likely been trained, _groomed_, for this very purpose in her life. And yet, he still could not find fault in her retaliation. For her, she was losing her childhood days and handed the families name as a burden in what must have seemed like the very blink of an eye. She had duty to her people, to her family, yet none of that could outweigh the childlike needs that still called within her heart.

Training her body as a woman, could not replace the _girl_ in her heart, it seemed.

A rustling from beside him brought notice to her movements, her small frame having turned to meet him more fully, and place a hand on his knee without thought of the implications of the intimate touch. Her voice burned in pleas for understanding,

"Will I not be taken from my home either way?" she looked to her hands, but ignored the shame she felt in touching him so openly, "...At least, if I were to fly away... I would be free to live my life as I so choose. Is that not a better life than one such as mine...?"

She needed to hear him. Needed to hear a confirmation of her thoughts, an acceptance of her inane wishes and understanding of her reasoning. She needed to know that these thoughts did not make her undesirable. Her breath held bated for his response.

Blue eyes searched her own and after a moment, the pleading in those depths he could take no more of. His voice was soft and accepting,

"A better life that is, I believe. But... Oujo-sama, to where would you flee...? With whom could you find protection? Our world is one of many dangers, it is, and I fear for your safety..."

A contemplative look overtook the girl's features. This was something she had not thought of in her musings... To where would she go? How would she keep herself alive...?

They were questions it seemed she would never get answers to, as the sound of someone's approaching of the garden led her to retract her hand from his leg quickly and recoil in her thoughts. Soon a broad figure stood in the hallway, overlooking the garden and had apparently stopped at the sight of the young heiress- wife to be of another man- made company with the lavender haired and very much _male_ samurai.

A sound of surprise echoed from the gruff man in the hall, whom the girl now recognized to be her father, his stately figure flinching in slight worry at the sight of his daughter near the young man.

Her eyes flickered to the eyes of the man at her side, but found that nearly as much panic filled his light depths as well. Her heart thundered and her breath was robbed from her lungs before she could speak in defense. _What had she done?_

"Dearest daughter," the Hakushaku's voice was calm as he called out in question, but one could not miss the harshness beneath the waters surface.

"To what reason do I find you here with this man?"

His tone was dark, judging as the hand of the gods.

Her heart nearly stopped altogether. She had no explanations...

* * *

Japanese to English:

*Genkan = The entryway to a household, where one removes their shoes

*Waraji = Woven sandals

Review if you like, and let me know how I am doing or just what you think.


	3. Chapter 3: Meeting

Next chapter.

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**Cha****pter 3: Meeting**_  
_

_What could they say in defense?_

The samurai pulled at his mind for answers, but in the end could find no other than the truth. He would tell his master of his following of the young princess, and pray that the man be lenient in his punishment for the girl as it were not her who held the blame.

He had been the one to tail behind her after seeing her tears. He had been the one to approach her in the garden... And so, he was the one whom was to blame for this dishonor.

"Hakushaku-sama I-" his apology was silenced by the girl at his side. She had chosen to speak up to her father it seem, and the samurai sucked in a nervous breath.

"Chichi-ue... Please forgive me, it is not as it appears. I had merely asked for Kamui-sama to explain to me the details of his protective services on my journey," her voice was soft, but held nothing but the most convincing honesty,

"I feared with all of the conflicts at rise I may have trouble on my way to my beloved future husband. Forgive me, I simply needed to know that this samurai felt he were capable to protect me from such."

She finished with a low bow, having turned to fully face her father now- though from under the fringe of her long forelocks, her eyes turned toward the samurai to see that he played along well.

A grunt left the throat of the elder man as he looked the two youths over,

"Kamui-kun, is that the way of it?"

The samurai felt the blood slowly return to his body, and he quickly gathered the composure to bow fully to the lord,

"Hai, that was the way of it, Hakushaku-sama."

The lord stood somewhat contemplatively, as if weighing the truth of their claim, and soon seemed to find it acceptable. His smile was faint, but he knew his daughter was not to miss the pride in his tone. His heavy voice spoke proudly,

"My dearest daughter, you need not worry yourself with such matters. Kamui-kun is quite capable and more of procuring your safe journey, I am sure."

The imposing figure of the lord then turned his sights to the young samurai, giving a nod before speaking, "You must forgive her curiosities, I believe she is merely anxious for her departure and thus on edge. She won't a bother to you again, I assure."

The samurai's eyes turned up to the lord, depths wide to the mention of her causing him trouble,

"My Lord, I assure you she is no bother, that she isn't. I am more than happy to oblige to her inquiries..."

She was so delicate, in utter need of protection from this cruel world, and to think _her_ as _trouble_ was inconceivable. Gakupo's vision drifted to the lady Rin's features once more, watching the solemn resolve in her lie. She had saved herself for now, but to how would she assert safety from the future?

A lump caught in the man's throat, his eyes lowering to the soft earth where his hands still pressed from his bow. The samurai cursed his inability to protect her from what truly threatened to destroy her. She was breaking bit by bit...

Yet, her father saw none of this?

A burning settled in his chest, and he held himself in reprimandation for his feelings bordering betrayal. This lord had saved his life when Gakupo was no more than a small child, raised him to the status of palace samurai, yet the young man now ground his teeth silently at the lord's actions. The man's very daughter, _only_ daughter was in great peril, yet this political tie was more important to him.

The soft strands of grass filtered in his fingers as he unknowingly clawed his digits into the earth, a heat welling in his eyes that he dare not look up or face showing his lord.

A voice deep like the thunder itself roused the samurai from his loathing to glance up in surprise at his own actions,

"Rin, come. Our evening meal is soon," the lord spoke quickly, "and I intend to dine with you as this may be the last of our times together, dearest daughter."

His command was stern, and his daughter rose without question, smoothing out her kimono as her form straightened. Sky-like eyes turned to the samurai at her side, who now she had to look down to where he still knelt. The sadness that swam in those pools was breathtaking, and it took only mere moments for his soul to be captured by their silent pleas once more, her sights catching him from under the veil of her long forelocks.

It seemed for the moment that time had frozen, their sights locked to one another unabashed. When in reality, it could have not been more than mere seconds of time to pass.

Slowly he rose to stand before her, his swords forgotten where they lie, and his sights absently catching the form of her father moving away from them down the hall. She too made to move, taking delicate steps away from the silent samurai, her eyes saddened and unfocused as she made certain to pass close enough to whisper to him.

"Please, meet me in the outer courtyard after nightfall, when the moon is just past its highest point. The shadows will be enough shroud our meeting..."

The urging seemed so very intimate, a personal call to him from her very heart. She had clearly strengthened herself in her resolve, dissolving her concern as to him being a man, and instead simply viewing him as someone who sought to understand her just as she sought someone to understand.

He breathed nervously, not given time to verbally refuse nor accept. So instead, he offered no more than a quick nod. She required his attention, and she would have it if she wished.

Once again, without much thought, this girl compelled him to follow after her.

Yes, he would meet her that night as she had asked.

But, at what cost might this secret meeting toll should they be seen?

A nervous shudder threatened his shoulders as he watched her go, before his eyes lowered and his head dipped, his violet forelocks shielding the confusion in his depths.

To do this, to follow her wishes, was to directly insult his master's name. Should he chose to meet her tonight, which his heart had thoughtlessly done, he was placing his own desires above that of the lord's own...

_Could that be forgiven?_

Would it be pardonable if it were that his desires were to serve those of the young lady and nothing more?

And if it were _more_...?

His fists clenched, hidden by the long sleeves of his haori. A new self-loathing was surfacing in his heart, an ache that he could not quell. His every fiber told him to go to her regardless the implications, yet his knowledge of his duties begged he be more reasonable. He was dishonoring himself in his lord's eyes only to gain honor and favor in her own.

Could he live with that thought... He did not know.

But, for the one thing that proved true, he would meet her regardless. He could not ignore the impulses in his heart.

_Curse this heart of mine..._

Slowly he lowered, his sights still unfocused as he leant to retrieve his swords and stand to replace them to his obi. The hardened and smooth sheaths slid against the cotton material, settling with familiarity and an ease of comfort despite his inability to feel such in his situation.

His mind could see no more than the consequences for these actions he would take, yet his heart could see no other than the pleading in those crystal blue depths. His body tremored, hand settling on the hilt of his blade, though he knew the enemy to be fought could not be slain with such a weapon.

His foe lie in his chest, as the warring emotions of his very own heart.

His hakama dusted the earth quietly as he turned, eyes set on the exit to this place- _her _garden. He needed to think, and her image would not leave him here...

Though, he very much doubted it would no matter the distance he traveled.

He had been bewitched, Gakupo quickly noticed, but he was helpless to dispel her magic. Would he even want to if he could, though...?

Exiting the palace grounds became a matter of urgency, and his waraji padded quickly to the front gates, giving a bow of his head to the guards as he passed them by wordlessly. He would escape for the evening, and return when his mind had cleared. Time- he was sure that was all he needed to quell the burning in his chest.

It was eating away at him, the resolve to his duties he so long felt assured in suddenly fallen so shaken in such short time. In one mere meeting, that girl had silenced his call to duty and beckoned him to her side pleadingly.

In a sense, he wished he could hate the girl for her transgressions on his beliefs, blame her for his unsound resolution... But he could not. She was innocent, pure, and easily damaged. Her heart was hanging on the line for her family and the most she could ask was that someone at least listen to her side and allow her to weep as the frightened girl she was. Her wide eyes had asked- no, had begged- that that person be him.

No, this was certainly not her fault. She had not caused these feelings in his chest. It was _he,_ who had fallen for her upon the moment of meeting her. And, though he much wished to deny it, it was not merely thoughts as a protector that drew him to her.

He was a man after all, and she a beauty beyond comparison.

He was helpless to her affects, even if he struggled, she would win the tug of war on his heart. Though, that did not mean he could condone giving up on his debt to be repaid. If it killed him, he would fight to maintain the honor his lord had procured him. And he so was sure...

This girl would be the death of him.

A helpless sigh escaped the lips of the samurai, a moan of displeasure at his own weakness.

_How shameful he was._

At last, Gakupo had reached the clearing he sought. A place nestled in the outlying forests, tucked in a thicket of bamboo shoots, protected from the eyes of all others. It was here he once fled to as a child when his training became too much, here he had secretly practiced with his shinai*, attacking the surrounding shoots in determination, until he gained the skills that had earned him much praise from his teachers. And it was here, that he would flee when his thoughts became too much for him to bear.

Once more, just as he did as a boy of perhaps thirteen summers, his hand slid to the hilt of his katana, gripping it soundly as if a lifeline. He could feel his pulse hammering in his palm, the blood pumping as if it felt his connection to the blade. If he were to draw it now, the bamboo shoots would not suffer merely a beating of a practice sword, but feel the full wrath of his lethal steel.

It could not be helped though, this release his mind called for. He needed to feel the rush of relief brought to him by this extension of his body and soul. To the samurai, this sword represented his life.

A slight click could be heard, as his thumb pressed to the tsuba* with a push, releasing the sword from the mouth of the sheath. Slowly his hand traveled down the length of the tsuka* and his firm grip wrapped around it as he pulled the katana to bear it in forefront of himself. The steel gleamed, sharpened and polished, even in the falling light of the day.

It was a beauty to behold.

He would not have need to draw the second sword from the daisho*, as it was not necessary nor practical to his release. Merely this blade, held firmly in his sword calloused hands, would become the extension of his emotions.

Shoulders rose and fell softly, deliberate breaths lifting in his chest to calm his pulse. Blue eyes slipped closed, veiled under pale lids and long lashes which dusted his cheeks with the faintest of shadows. Wetting his lips, Gakupo slowly allowed his eyes to reopen, reclaiming the sights before him in a blink before stepping forward and making his first sweeping slash.

A few bamboo shoots fell to the ground with a loud rustling, their trunks cut cleanly at an angle.

An exhilaration replaced the burning need in his chest, and soon the young samurai was lost to his release. More shoots would fall, and his blade would be tested.

After what seemed to be an eternity both as well as the blink of an instant, his shoulders slumped, and he fell to his knees alongside the fallen foliage. His hand rose to shakily replace his sword to his saya*, and soon the moment had ended. His breathing came in soft pants, gushes of air meeting his lips as his chest rose and fell.

It was a blissful state of unfeeling, and he let the moment drag on into the minutes- perhaps hours- as he felt his mind clear.

Soon, he would realize that the sky had darkened, and the moon was well in its journey across the sky. How long had he sat so meditative upon his knees? It seemed now his time was short before he was to return to the palace and meet the young princess in secret.

His only hope was that he could hold onto his peace and clarity a while longer.

The sinking of betrayal in his stomach was not a pleasant feeling in the least.

Rising to his feet, the samurai let his gaze scan his handiwork, and delighted in seeing he had not too badly marred the nature here with his assault. Shoots scattered the ground, but it thankfully only barely widened the clearing. He would clean up his mess later on, he supposed.

Gakupo sighed, giving a pat to the legs of his hakama to rid the dust from the fabric, before turning and stepping out of the clearing. The moon was high above, and he had short time to return upon. His heart gave a flutter at the thought.

She was waiting for him there.

...And he was to go to her as she had asked, he sighed in defeat. Giving into his impulses seemed to have become his most well self-known trait.

Once again the packed earth scuffed beneath his waraji, the hem of his hakama skirted the dust as he walked back up the pathway leading to the palace entryway. By now, though not from walking, his blood was pumping through him in surges and Gakupo had to will his breathing to even. It was as if walked to his own death- granted, through death's doors would lie the pathway to heaven, he mused.

His divine was there awaiting him.

He passed once more by the guards wordlessly, and he began to wonder if he were to be a stranger, would they have bothered to stop him? They seemed far too oblivious and passive to serve as protectors to the manor. Their faces blank and unseeing, holding their posts though they seemed not to notice they even stood there.

Should someone truly wish to forcefully enter the grounds, he doubted they would face much trial.

The samurai shook his head as he walked. He was merely attempting to distract his own thoughts now, he realized, and he let a hand travel to run through his long forelocks with a sigh. The tail created by the long flowing hair of his high ponytail was left to sway in the breeze of his brisk walking, every now and again brushing along the fabric at his back with the passing motion.

It was best if he stayed focused, even through the discomfort his internal betrayal stirred. If he even as so much allowed his thoughts to stray, he risked losing attention for the details of his stealth like mission. If he were to get caught...

Once more he shook his head, rounding to the outer courtyard with a few more muted steps. His eyes searched the area, following the line of shadows where they cast.

She had requested they meet at the time the moon dipped just past its highest point, and now as he looked to the sky, he could see that the time had fallen upon them now. Still, she was nowhere to be seen, and he found himself carefully following the yards perimeter. His hand gently ran along the stone set wall, fingertips barely but brushing it as he followed its curve. His form had dipped into the shadows now, and it was difficult to make out what also lie within the darkness.

Hearing a noise of sorts, he quickly turned on his heel to face the direction it seemed to have come from, his face meeting nothing but air and his vision void of threats or the young heiress. Slowly he backed his way around the perimeter, now falling under the branches of a budding sakura tree, the shadows darkening a new degree. His waraji padded quietly, his foot inching backward once more, only to be halted by the sound of a voice.

"Kamui-sama...?" The voice called, and he froze.

In a whir, the man turned once more on his heel to face the voice, a gasp of shock leaving his lips as the front of his haori was gripped to steady him.

His light blue depths met hers, shining still even in the limited light. It was as if they held all the starlight in and of themselves. His breath caught in his throat as she spoke in a whisper,

"Kamui-sama... Are you alright? Please try not to make too much noise. I do not wish to be found tonight..." her tone was hushed, the sadness from earlier returning and once again capturing his heart.

Gakupo swallowed, hushing his voice to whisper like she,

"Oujo-sama, you frightened me... Please forgive me," he bowed his head slightly.

"Frightened, you say?" her eyes looked confused, and the hands that had caught in his haori curled tighter as she stepped closer to his chest,

"How could _I_ frighten someone as strong as you? Surely, with those swords at your waist you fear no threat..."

The young man could feel his chest tighten, the warmth from her close form bringing a shiver to his skin. Surely she understood how this appeared...? Could she have been so naive as not to notice the implications in her shameless display of closeness?

_She was much a child after all, she was._..

A sigh left his parted lips, his chest rising and falling slowly,

"Right you are, my Lady... With my weapons I have little to fear in way of _physical _harm..." he stressed 'physical' perhaps too much, and her eyes looked up to his for answers.

"Is there another harm you fear, samurai?" her depths searched his own, drawing out the breath from his lungs in a gasp. Once again she had stolen his air away...

"Yes, I..." he trailed, unsure how to answer clearly.

He could not explain that it was she who had put these fears in him, or rather because of she he had begun to fear the threat of his own emotions. He was doing things he once never would have considered, and the trepidation for what else this young girl may sway him to do plagued his mind. He did not have the strength to refuse her.

Gakupo wet his lips, looking down to meet her eyes before glancing to the side nervously,

"I fear... my own weaknesses in the face of decisions. I fear my own resolve not strong enough to serve my duties, I do..." he explained, avoiding the truth though not telling a lie.

He did fear for his own resolves, as there were none his heart permitted that would not dishonor his lord father.

Her eyes watched him for a moment longer before she blinked away toward the earth below,

"I see... Then, you fear much the same things as I..." she seemed almost ashamed to compare him to her, unsure if he would take offence at the comparison to a woman's thoughts. Slowly she rose her gaze back to his, breathing in softly,

"I am certain of the path I must walk now, but my resolve in my feelings toward my duties has faltered. I believe myself to be doubting the responsibilities I know I am to take on..."

She would not say that it was he who had caused her to pull at her dreams more determinedly. He who had shattered her resolve with his kindness. He who had given her permission to _feel_ for her pitiful fate openly to him, and he who had sparked a strength in her to combat the overwhelming sadness... No, she would not tell him. Not yet.

Tonight he was not a man... He was simply another spirit to console her own. And for that, she would remain forever grateful.

Gakupo sought to understand her...

And she, sought only for someone to _understand_.

* * *

Japanese used:

*Tsuba = The handguard on a Japanese sword known as katana

*Tsuka = The handle length/grip of the katana

*Daisho = The term for the dual weapons of samurai

*Saya = The sheath/scabbard

Think that's all this time, let me know if I missed a word or there is something you do not understand. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4: Embrace

Newest chapter is out! Please let me know if you have any questions about it.

I don't own _Vocaloid_

* * *

**Chapter 4: Embrace**

The samurai watched her closely, unable to sate the pounding of his heart within his chest. She had drawn so close, her words had been so personal; so close to what he himself felt. Gakupo wet his lips once more with a sweep of his tongue, drawing his blue eyes to look upon her averted gaze.

There was an electricity now, invading the space between them, and his body fought its urges to the best of his strength. One impulse compelled him to pull her closer, perhaps embracing the pain and sadness and warming it from her heart. The other, begged him to step away, distance himself from what he knew was dishonorable for he and she both.

Once again, a shudder ran through him.

_What should he choose to do...?_

The hands that still lie at his side twitched impulsively, before he clenched them and held them in place with willpower alone. Even that seemed to fail him soon, however.

Sky-blue depths rose to meet his own once more, searching his silence for answers... For acceptance. Soon her eyes flickered to her hands still caught up on his chest, feeling the firmness beneath her fingers tense and tremble slightly. It was brief, and only last the smallest breath of an instant, but it was noticeable to her nonetheless. Why did he tremble so?

Was there something amiss...?

Wide eyes once again rose to his, and her breath caught in her throat as she was captured by the intensity of his sights. Their pools were deep, and a confusion and pain she had not seen reflected in anyones eyes but her own, swirled in thick waves of his light blue.

Her hand clutched tighter in his haori, and again he flinched at the touch,

"Kamui-sama, is there something wrong? You seem to be troubled by something... Unless perhaps, you are merely cold...?" her voice was hushed and unbelievably _small_ before him. And suddenly it was she who felt _he_ held the place of higher rank altogether, and she a lowly servant before him. She was nervous to his reactions.

His heart thundered so loudly, he nearly did not hear her speak at all. His emotions were warring with his loyalties, tearing one another apart as each fought for victory within his chest. It felt as if he were falling, and only two ledges remain to catch him. One his loyalty to his lord master, and the other his loyalty to his heart.

His lord...

Or his love for this girl...?

"Kamui-sama...?" Once again, her voice melted into the silence of uncertainty, her wide depths searching his futilely.

Finally, the clenching of her hands at his chest brought him back to the present, a blinking cleared his vision as his eyes settled on hers. Heat welled in Gakupo's chest, reaching up through his skin to faintly touch his cheeks with a hint of pink. He felt shame and embarrassment before her sight.

"I..." he paused, realizing how weak his voice seemed. He tried again patiently, "There is nothing wrong, Oujo-sama... I am quite fine, that I am..."

Even after a deep breath, the strength had not returned to his voice. But for a reason beyond his comprehension, it did not matter if he were to be weak before her. In fact, he found that he would gladly fall upon his knees before her, were it to be for her happiness.

The eyes of the heiress studied him once more, looking over his form shyly before locking sights with him. Her hands smoothed over the fabric of his kimono, straightening the haori she had wrinkled with her grasps, but found that once she had completed the action she could not move her hands away. The sight of the openly intimate touch resonated in her with an understanding she wished she did not have.

This motion, was no longer viewed as the grasping hands of a child, the naivety of youth compelling her to embrace comfort in a stranger... No, it was much more now, and she found a heat rising to her porcelain cheeks, dusting them a delicate rose.

She knew the boundaries that were being crossed, yet not standing before any other eyes but their own, what did they have to fear in that moment? This moment of intimacy that should never have happened if she were to remain true to her duty... Try as she might, she could not find the shame to pull away just yet.

For tonight, she would forlorn duty. Instead, she would seek her own resolve, her own need to choose her own path... And, if this man would have it...

She wished that path to be at his side.

With him, she would find protection. With him, she was _safe_.

If even it were only for this one night- which, much to her despair, was all she had left.

Once more, the young princess returned her eyes to his, the nervous resolve shining in those pools of blue, asking, _seeking_ that he let her remain at his side even though she had not the words to truly request it.

As if it had become normality in her presence, the man felt the air leave his lungs upon sight of her gaze. He was forced to blink away his stare for a moment to breathe, filling his chest with breath anew as he averted his sights to the hands upon his chest, only to gasp in realization at what position they now stood in. The samurai slowly took in their position, guessing that perhaps it was _this_ that had her abashed in her actions. The questions in her eyes...

What was it she asked of him...?

His heart thundered once again beneath the cotton of his kimono, pounding under the warmth of her hands. The implications of this were terrifying and exciting all at once, and the young man could feel his hopes leap at the chance. This..._intimacy_, was something he had been desiring much to his denial. More than he could have hoped for in such unlikely situations and short time... But, were they to be caught...

_This looked..._

They stood barely a breath away, her hands raised above her eye level to lie palm down against his broad chest, and her head tilted back to stare up at him through thick fringe of lashes. The multiple layers of her sleeping wear brushed against the trail of his own hakama, the wide swinging sleeves of her kimono enclosing the space between them as if sealing them within their own moment. It was far too intimate a stance to be taken between two such as they...

He, her hired samurai...

And she, a woman betrothed to another man.

The samurai could not have helped the hope that had leapt at this sudden development, but thankfully for his lord's honor, his logic had been regained in the breath of realization. This was far too much for them to share... No matter how he wished that were not the case. Gakupo could not deny his own place below her's. That she, matter not how she acted against it, was very much a claimed bride. Not even if he had been of her nobility, could he have taken her.

He had not been there first.

And unlike many men might try, he would not fight over her with a man he had never met. It was a struggle he need not put her through. If he were to compete, and win despite the improbability, to what kind of life would he promise her? He had nothing to offer but countless nights of her wondering if he will return home alive from his battles...

_He was not a man fit to take a wife..._

A sharp pain jutted into his chest, a sinking befalling his stomach as reality became clear. Coming here, inspite of it quelling the need in his heart to see her, had been a mistake. Coming here had offered things to this girl he could not fully give. He would have gladly died for the young princess, spilt his own blood to give her his heart to keep. But truthfully, what value would that have? It would only sully her porcelain hands with his own inadequacy, bloody her snow pure form with insufficient promises. That, she did not deserve.

His heart would not be enough. Not to sate her heavy heart... And not enough to take her from another man of much higher nobility.

Her hands rustled against his chest once more, and he forced his eyes to be unseeing as he glanced into her own, willing himself not to cave to the pleading her depths that resonated with that in his heart. Once again, his chest constricted painfully. Her eyes were so...

"Kamui-sama...?" Her voice questioned, fading into uncertainty as she glanced to the hands now resting over her own on his chest.

He could not answer her, he had no words to deny her. No way to back away from what his heart had pulled him all this way for.

His sword calloused palms brushed gently over the softness of her own hands, her knuckles smooth and delicate where he ghosted over. For a moment, her mind could not help but leap in joy to think that perhaps he would return the feeling, the need for this closeness, but her heart fell when she felt him grasp her smaller hands in his and pull them slowly from his chest- not allowing them to drop away, but instead simply holding them in his own away from his body.

Confusion swam in her sky-blue depths, as she watched him, a sadness in his own eyes that she did not understand. He brought her hands up, his own form leaning down to simply, nearly _mournfully_, rest his forehead to their folded hands.

A sigh left his lips, as he released the breath he had held bated,

"Oujo-sama... Forgive me, I must not be seen with you like this... The implications of this interaction will not be seen kindly, that they won't. My Lady, please consider what it is that we are doing... You are to be married soon... And I..."

He could not even speak anymore. His throat had shut short of him telling her the truth of things... That he, a servant to she, had no way of deserving her attentions. That he could not return her silent request at the cost of her honor... That he would have died to be able to, to hold her close like she had sought. He simply could not say it all.

Slowly, he rose his eyes to look into those depths of sky.

Blue eyes watered, her stare flickering with the hurt he did not want to see, before it was replaced by something he was not expecting... _anger_. She seemed far too soft, too sweet to know such a feeling, but he could not deny what he now saw and his eyes remained on hers though he wanted to avert his eyes in shame for causing such a feeling in her.

The hands he held trembled slightly, and his sights blinked to look at their connected grasps, before returning his sights to her face when she spoke,

"Do not... Do not take me for a fool..." her whisper was harsh, but more with sadness than the anger he had expected to hear, "I am not ignorant to my position... nor to yours..."

His eyes widened, his breath now caught in his throat. _What was she saying...?_

"...I know that I am to be wed. I understand well... what _this_ looks like," now the watering of her eyes gave way to full tears, and despite her strength, they streamed down her porcelain cheeks. "I know this, and yet... I have no intention of heeding the warnings of these implications. I know what it appears to be, and yet... It is _exactly _what my heart wants for it to be."

Shame for her openness painted her cheeks red, but the feeling did not taint her eyes. Those sparkling pools of blue held firm to the resolve she had made. She wanted this samurai to stay, she wanted him to understand her... to be there for her weariness if only for one night. And she, no matter what her duties told her to do instead, could not- would not- let him walk away from her just yet.

He had been the one to reach out to her. The one to take hold of her suffering as if he truly _cared_ for her... Had she been wrong in what she had seen from him?

Did he not wish to see her now? Then why had he come to her?

Gakupo's heart had surely stopped from shock, his breath still held captive in his lungs. The samurai was unsure of what to respond with. For, what could he truly say at this point?

Did he remain firm, and deny her as he should, keeping them both on the straight paths of their duties? Or did he explain that his heart too longed for this...?

_Betray the resolve he only moments ago made..._

He could not... He would simply... No, nothing made sense.

The young girl gasped as her hands were released from his hold, the beginnings of hurt blooming in her eyes before the feeling was snuffed out by his embrace. Sky-blue eyes grew wide.

_Was this his answer?_

The strong arms of the samurai had reached around her, pulling her to him and pressing her against his broad chest, her face nuzzling into the cotton of his kimono. The way his long hair fell to obscure them, his shoulders curved forward protectively seeking to surround her smaller form, it seemed as if he wished for her to be pulled within himself. As if by that they could be safe; hidden within this moment. For this moment could surely not last forever...

The young man sighed, his heart throbbing in confusion and relief at once, as he bent to bury his nose to the top of her head and place a kiss there. He could not answer her vocally. He could not make clear what was still cloudy in his heart...

But, for tonight, he could give in. For tonight...

He could simply hold her.

* * *

Well that's that. Please let me know what you think, and if I missed any Japanese in this to be added to the glossary. I don't believe I used anything new here, so you can check back to the previous chapter for words in this you might not have remembered. Thank you!

**Note to my returning readers and wonderful reviewers,**

Thank you all very much for supporting my fanfiction and following along as I write. You mean the world to me to have, and truly, I could not ask for a better gift as a writer than you all. See you on the next chapter!


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